Tuesday, September 7, 2010

New Years Resolution Part 1

This is the time of year when we, in between shopping, decorating and eating our way through the holiday season, also think about New year resolutions. The more classic among the resolutions are loosing 10 pounds, quit smoking and working out. I know, I make them every year, well not the quit smoking part, but not with the desired result, I might add.

This year, I want to do something different. Apart from working out and loosing 10 pounds, I want to stay away from all alcohol in the month of January.

That may not sound like a lot, but to me it is. I really enjoy a glass of red wine, and there is in principal nothing wrong with that. It is even good for you, the smart people say. That is if you don’t overdo it.

But without thinking about it, I have been overdoing it. Not a lot, but a glass or 3 every night add up.

I have lived here in the US for almost 2 years. When I came over, everything was new and exciting. Being in love and having romantic dinners was even better with a glass of wine.

It wasn’t only in the weekends I would have the wine, but every night.

I didn’t think much of it, because it wasn’t as if I was getting drunk, I was just enjoying the wine and enjoying my new life.

As time past and the new and exiting is overtaken by normal everyday life, the meaning of the wine changed as well.

It was hard being in a new country, away from family and friends and all what I used to know. Here I was the immigrant. I couldn’t find a job, didn’t know too many people, hadn’t really given myself time to grieve and couldn’t really figure out who I was supposed to be.

During the day, food helped me suppress those feelings and at night the wine.

That only works for so long. At some point I have to deal with the issues and not drown them, so I have decided that the month of January will be an alcohol free month. I wish I could make it a food free month, but then that would open up for for a whole other issue.

These two years I have been here I have buried myself. There was too much going on and I couldn’t take care of all my emotions, that lured in the background. Especially the loss of Martin is now surfacing. Both because I give myself permission, but especially because of Christmas.

I admit, that I have been eating and drinking my emotions and now is the time to stop. I have tried many time before, but I simple couldn’t do it.

But by letting January be an alcohol free month, I hope to break the habit of just taking a glass of wine without thinking about it.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Stay tuned.

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